The Little Things

Rainy-day-in-lexington-Paul_Sawyier

Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean
And the pleasant land.

Little deeds of kindness,
Little words of love,
Make our pleasant earth below
Like the heaven above.

Julia Abigail Fletcher Carney
(6 April 1823 – 1 November 1908)

There are a few versions of Julia’s poem “The Little Things”, but this is undoubtedly the version I love most.

Our little progress daily seems minute, but added up together day after day, it is immense.  Our little acts of kindness and words of love may seem small individually, but if 6 billion of us do kind deeds together, it is a great ocean and a very large difference.

The little acts do add up to create a heaven on Earth!

Image Credit: Paul Sawyier

Love

Some Quotes on Love…
Hope you enjoy them!

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times.”  Laura Hendricks

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A Heinlein

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”  Tom Robbins

“Love is commitment, yet freedom.  We commit ourselves deeply to the person we love, yet free our beloved to reach their dreams (potential).”

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Corinthians 13:4-8

Image credit: Webdesignhot.com, Creative Commons

Judgement vs Prejudice

We all heard of Jane Austen’s timeless love classic, Pride and Prejudice” (see wiki-link).  Many have been delighted by the tale of the protagonists Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy, the great heroine and hero of the day. How they overcame their pride and prejudices as well as discovered the notion that “Nice” is not the same as “Good”, through their memorable adventures, mistakes and redemption!

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“Elizabeth and Darcy” An illustration by Hugh Thomson 1894

Definition of Prejudice and Judgement

Likewise, we all heard the mantra “Judgement is bad.  Do not Judge”

Is this the same as not being prejudiced?  Let us examine the lexicon as defined by Oxford Dictionaries, and stated below,

Prejudice is preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.

Judgemental is having or displaying an overly critical point of view.

Judgement is the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions

Other commonly used dictionaries have similar definitions.

The Misconception of Judgement 

Well, in most cases, it is unnecessary to belabour over small conversational inaccuracy, especially if harmless.  Some inaccuracy and little differences in viewpoints are part and parcel of conversation, and we need not and should not try to clarify everything.

And much as the preference is not to undertake this task, there is an unfortunate need to.  The word “Judgement” has been so abused that the idea of “Non Judgement/Non discernment” has taken on a life of its own, and there is actually far reaching consequences to Culture.

Let me explain here.

Clarification of the Judgement Misnomer

There is a marked distinction between “Judgement”, “Prejudice” and being “Judgmental”.

Judgement is borne of deep consideration and sensibility, a key skill required, used sparingly and only when necessary, to protect ourselves and not to hurt. On the other hand, Prejudice is not based on reason or experience, and being Judgemental is doing too much to the point of error (aka exercising all the time to the point of heavy breakdown/damage).

Harmfulness of Prejudice and Being Judgemental. 

Apartheid, reduction of capacity and opportunity are terrible manifestations of Prejudice.  There is also no need to be judgemental e.g. to nitpick over harmless preferences and diversity of others, over-measuring them in non relevant areas, making others feel inadequate unnecessarily or depriving them of opportunity.

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Benefits of Good Judgement

In actuality, there are important times when “judgement/measurement” is appropriate:

i) we judge/assess people and situations to protect ourselves e.g. we won’t want to let a drunk person drive us home, and will probably dive for cover when a crazy looking guy whips out a semi-automatic etc;  

ii) we are wary of anyone who make us offers that are too good to be true, and do extra checks to ascertain the background and validity; 

iii) we recognize and differentiate a bully, thief and a debtor who never repays debt, extremist etc from others, to prevent ourselves from being continually harmed by the person.  At the same time, we may recognize/judge that people can change for the better, so we do re-assess at an appropriate time and in safety;

iv) we know when we do not have enough evidence, and stop ourselves from being prejudiced.

etc.

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“Lady Catherine and Elizabeth” Illustrated by C. E. Brock, 1895

The Far Reaching Consequences

It is un-required Prejudice and being overly Judgmental that we need to deal with, not good Judgement.  Good Judgement is required to correctly recognize, deal with anti-social and extremist behaviour (see footnote), We do not prejudice harmless diversity.

That said, too many people are using the word “Judgement/Careful assessment” as a misnomer for Prejudice or being Judgmental.  In the confusion of false Empathy and “Non Judgement/Non Assessment”, highly anti-social behaviour such as admitted extreme selfishness and other harmful behaviour (see footnote) etc becomes more tolerable, even acceptable, vindicated and flaunted culturally.  

Some of the confused even lose the ability to know and distance themselves from the recalcitrant, becoming repeated victims, and worse, destroying their own positive world views, and become more easily radicalized.  

Hence, we need good judgement, to distinguish between perpetual blatant offenders and occasional mistakes, and act accordingly.

Conclusion

Let us improve our capacity for humility, apply good judgement where necessary, reduce unfounded prejudice; to protect ourselves, but not to hurt.  At the same time, let us remind ourselves and others not to wrongly promote the bias of the word “Judgement”.  

Through clearing this misnomer and using the correct lexicon “Prejudice” or “Judgemental”, we can reduce the sway of blatant propaganda, flaunting and acceptance of extreme anti-social behaviour through the flawed but seductive defence of “Non Judgement”

Just like Elizabeth and Darcy, through clearing prejudices, learning humility and making the good judgement, we will find Love and Beauty while banishing the false, manipulative, dangerous!

Thank you for reading and/or sharing!

PS: Update for 17/11/2015.  This post was coincidentally made hours before the Paris terror attacks by ISIS/Daesh.  Through careful and humble judgement, we are against the mindless violence on the innocent in Paris, and feel sad for Parisians.  At the same time, we do not prejudice most Muslims, who are peaceful and who spoke out against Daesh terrorism.

For those who want to understand more about ISIS/Daesh, please refer to this Wikipedia link,  detailing the ISIS crimes of ethnic cleansing, slavery etc.  The question is not about reprisals for revenge, but more of how to exercise good judgement to solve the root of the Daesh crimes against humanity.  

(It is in all probability that Daesh will not stop their crimes against humanity even if they are left alone. Rather they will likely commit more crimes.)

Image Credit: Davide Restivo

Blogger Recognition Award

Recently, fellow bloggers Elisabet and Ngobesing nominated me for the Blogger Recognition Award.

Elisabet’s Blog is Elisabet Regina.  Beautiful pictures and inspiring thoughts!

Ngobesing’s Blog is Success Inspirer. Ngobesing likes to motivate, inspire and encourage people to realize their potential.

Thank you, Elisabet and Ngobesing for the nominations!

Blogger Recognition

Select 15 other bloggers to award.
You cannot nominate yourself or the person who has nominated you.
Write a post to show off your award.
Give a brief story of how your blog started.
Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers.
Thank whoever nominated you and give a link to their blog.
Attach the award to the blog.
Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them.
Provide a link to the award creator.

My Nominations for the Blogger Recognition Award are 

In alphabetical order,

2nd Half Woman (2nd Half Woman)
Aradhana Jagota (Aradhana Jagota)
Carol A Hand (Voices from the Margins)
Cate Yankley (The Travelling College Student)
Chape (Chape Personal Trainer)
Cocoaupnorth (Cocoaupnorth)
Kathryn Thomson (Hundred Givers)
Lindy Lawesome (What Comfort Zone)
Mithai Mumblezz (Mithai Mumblezz)
Natasja Sween (Her Arrow Points North)
Rabia Noorstani (Rabianoorstani)
Teacup Talk (Teacup Talk)
Teresha (Angel Pylon’s Blog)
Vivek (Thinking Listener)
Wendy (Ramblings and Musings)

Taking this opportunity to share some interesting blogs I have read before!  Everyone nominated is a winner: the prize is in the publicity, and hopefully in feeling happy for the nomination!  I know you are all busy bloggers, so do put out your own nominations etc in your own time, and only if you want to…

For those who are missed here, I will be putting out more nominations for other awards the next few Saturdays, so do stay tuned!

Give a brief story of how your blog started.

Olibtom is created for shared discussion of the mysteries of life, in particular, how to have a meaningful and happy life.  The sections of the blog include Quotes, Poems, Movies, Story, Music, Humour and whatever is useful in conveying ideas or starting a discussion..  

Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers.

Write of your experiences that can inspire and help your readers.  There is great need for light. 

love

Image Credits: Pezibear, Webdesignhot.com

The Paradox of Choice

Is more choice necessarily better?  More freedom?  More diverse views?

When does choice become too much of clutter?  Even a danger to trip over?

How do you deal with the confusion of too much choices?

Dr Barry Shwartz, a Psychologist, Professor and Author, has this very interesting TED video titled “The Paradox of Choice”, which garnered 10 million views (on TED website and Youtube combined).

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Thinking that the video will be intriguing preview for some of my upcoming posts on “Choice and Latitude”.  It is related to the coming Misconception 6 of “The How To’s of Daily Gratitude”, and other topics such as Empathy/Individuality, Depression and has even has ramifications on Love and Marriage (partly why people are not ready for marriage aka longer bucket lists due to more lifestyle choice).

Hope you find the video enjoyable!

Thank you for reading, watching and/or sharing.

Media Credits: Geralt, TED / Dr Barry Shwartz

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